Asshole

Hey folks, due to the delicate nature of the subject,  you don't expect me to put up the exact photo of the title in concern, right?  that would be too gross !








Someone I encountered today reminds me of a mutual friend who put up for 2 weeks in my home years ago. I had just been transferred overseas for work then, surviving on a meager salary. He and I have a lot of differences in terms of point of view, habits and how we spend money. “Why don’t you buy a Prada bag?” he asked.


Dainty as he was, this young man criticized among many things, the quality of toilet paper that I bought. “These are too coarse and hard for my delicate skin.” He said. Whatever the reason, I could not understand his need to bring up that subject to his friends. So later on, among everyone, I was known to have a cheap asshole and he has an expensive asshole. How naïve I was, thinking that toilet papers are toilet papers, assholes are assholes. I was unaware of the classification.


Instead of lamenting, why didn’t he buy a higher quality product for the two weeks’ stay. After all, he slept in my apartment for free. It would be nice for me to try some high quality paper, just self pampering for once.

Now I know why. It was not about he having a delicate asshole. The asshole was he.

Kidnapped

Another horrific crime : California Girl Kidnapped 18 Years Ago Kept as Sex Slave in Couple's backyard.

How could it be humanly possible to do such a thing, to intentionally inflict pain to others, to keep another person in captive like an animal? This brutal act is totally disgusting. As investigation continues, the story gets grimmer. We called ourselves civilized and classified your nations by the degree of development. In reality, many remain as savage as a jungle beast. What has gone wrong in our system? Where do we go from here?

Pop Singer

Finally I bought the musical CD, 10 over years later than everybody. It is sold in a box set of 4 CDs celebrating the early career of the singer. (ok ok, they are on a special offer) Probably I should not have high expectations or any expectations at all. For great expectations comes with great disappointment.

Half of the time, I cannot figure out what she is singing. Instead of delivering the lyrics, she substitute them with strange sounds. To be fair, her vocal range is better than most karaoke patrons (me included) and her talents in yodeling and snorting surpass many other artists. The emotions were mechanical. She does have a distinctive recognizable voice, which is important in the Chinese music industry where everyone sounds the same.

So why she takes the crown for being the most successful POP musical talent Singapore has ever produced? After all, she did sold and will sell millions of albums and concert tickets in the region including China. It is the song writers who saved the day. They wrote material that are contemporary, relevant, catchy and sometimes beautiful. Or maybe the market does not have great expectations and hence have no disappointment.

Miss Universe pageant 2009

Here it comes, as punctual as a Swiss watch, the annual Miss Universe pageant. The existence of people who still believes the possibility of choosing the world’s most beautiful woman in this era puts me in awe. Out of the billions people in the world…. Is it possible? It must be a tall order for the 10 judges…who definitely are not able to represent the public’s opinion. Everyone sees things differently, beauty included.

This spectacle is based on a tired and worn out formula, that repeats year after year. Lame attempts by the organizer trying to argue an important agenda behind this competition (like world peace, HIV awareness etc) are just gimmicks to prolong a commercial show.

The winner this year is Miss Venezuela. It is more a triumph for those working behind/on/with her. Meaning the costume designers, make up artists, hairstylists, pose and catwalk instructors, chaperone, sponsors etc. Next time, how about a beauty pageant featuring girls in au naturale? Girls without fake eye lashes or lip stick, without hairspray and wigs, without glimmering gowns, heels and jewellery. Just a plain white T-shirt and shorts. It will be a little fairer since everyone is competing in a form as how god created them to be. Don’t you think so?

Lazy Sunday

It is raining again, just like yesterday, just like the day before yesterday

Fine. I am glad to stay home since I have so many DVD to watch. Say… about 12 movies!

Watching a movie is easy but writing the review afterwards is time consuming. I do not know why I pick up such a hobby. I am not taking a course in movie making, neither am I involved in the showbiz industry. Nobody reads my review anyway. (www.flixster.com/user/nicli1)

Conclusion : I am just plain stupid.

Are you local?

“Are you local?”
Recently, people pop this question to me more often than my name. My answer is “Yes, I was born and raised here. Both my parents are Chinese. I speak Mandarin and I love Chinese food. And of course, I have the local characteristics to prove it. I am Kiasu all the time. Storming into the crowded mrt trains is my forte. Hey, no taxi driver can short change me, not even for 10 cents. See? I am more local than you are.”

But why this question?
“You do not look like a local. You look like an Indonesian Chinese or a Thai.”

Just to clarify one thing. Such a remark does not displease me at all. A rose by any other name smells as sweet, isn’t it? I could be from India, from Iran, from Iceland but I am still me. Absolutely not a problem and no offense taken. In fact, I am quite pleased for it makes me feel kind of special, standout from everyone else. But I hate to disappoint for I have no unique story to tell.

Maybe I am weird looking. Maybe I speak with a cranky accent. Maybe it is the standard question nowadays. 30% of the population in Singapore is foreigner. Therefore encountering someone non local is the norm of the day. It is natural, it is regular. It is the 21st century.

Toilet Training

To my female friends
What I am about to reveal might completely wipe out your fantasies about your prince charming. Beyond all that good looks, academic achievement, career success, he might still need toilet training.

The male’s anatomy is made in such a way that physical contact is really necessary during urination, well unless he enjoys getting his pants wet. Here’s the revelation: Most guys DO NOT wash their hands afterwards. What is a little bacteria and a little odor in the hands going to bother anyone? Now that you’ve been warned, when you summon a guy to bring you some food, or shake his hand, do ensure that you have a sanitizer readily nearby.

How do I know? Your highness here (that’s me) happens to be a male, and uses the male toilet all the time. Backed by more than 40 years of experience and observation, you can rest assure that my words are absolutely true.

Most guys never lift up the toilet seats when they urinate. That’s okay if everyone is a marksman. Unfortunately men are always over confident. We aim far but always fall short. Don’t expect anyone will clean up the mess they made. Just pity the next guy who needs to use the toilet with the seat down.

Animal instinct prevails too. It is crime against nature for guys to flush the toilet after use. No one does that over his dead body. Have you seen a pig cover his dung? No. They just stand up and go. So beware if you are getting married and sharing the toilet with your husband. Just ensure that toilet training is in your list of Dos and Don’ts. It is logical to assume people behave the same in public toilets as well as in their home toilet. If they don’t, it means two things:

1) they are badly educated, uncultured and uncivilized barbarians.
2) they need their mothers or wives to be present all the time.