Farewell 2009

Farewell 2009 and I don’t miss it. Not a single bit.


12 months ago, my horoscope predicted that the year will be mediocre for me. If this is mediocre, I don’t want to know what will it bring when it predicts “bad”.

Financially, I do not dare to sum up how much it has gone. No, I do not want to go that far, not unless there is an ambulance on standby for cardiac failure.

From March till July, I spend at least 15 hours per day in the hospital with mum. So much so that my allergen list is increased by another item. Hospital.

I try to stay healthy by working out in the gym. I ended up with a torn ligament in the left shoulder. There is a brutal and bitter battle in the emotional department, and it is still ongoing.

So tell me what do I miss of 2009.


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Christmas 2009

After 16 years, this is the first time that I spend Christmas in Singapore. Gone are the cold temperature, white snow and melancholic atmosphere. Wearing shorts on Christmas? How special it is. Economic woes? The crowded in the streets deplete any impression of that. Christmas here means big celebration, equivalent to a new year’s eve party. There are enough decoration lightings in the streets to win over Las Vegas.

It is unimportant if most of the people do not know the meaning of Christmas. (as with Halloween, Deepavalli etc) No problem. If consumerism is the main driving force behind all these, let’s bring it on. We are Asians! We like everything involves shopping and celebration.

Christmas Gifts

TOP TEN GIFTS YOUR WIFE DOES NOT WANT FOR CHRISTMAS
1. A car wash kit
2. A table saw
3. Two all-day passes to Formula One competition
4. Armpit shaving kit.
5. Five-year subscription to Sports Illustrated
6. Custom engraved bowling ball
7. fake LV bag
8. Rambo Trilogy on DVD
9. New satellite dish with BBC and CNN
10. Three-year membership to Weight-Watchers Clinic

TOP TEN GIFTS YOUR HUSBAND DOES NOT WANT FOR CHRISTMAS
1. Complete episodes of Oprah show Edition 2009 with extra footage
2. wind chimes
3. Tickets to the ballet
4. Another new tie
5. A Bodyshop soap Basket
6. New teddy bear table cushion for hand phone
7. Vacuum cleaner
8. A weekend seminar on "Getting in Touch With Your Feelings"
9. Pair of fuzzy Hello Kitty slippers

10. A nose and ear hair trimmer (OK, well maybe.)

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Friends

A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps herself.
 A simple friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.

A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names.
A real friend has their phone numbers in her address book.

A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.
A real friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean up.


A simple friend hates it when you call after she has gone to bed.
A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.


A simple friend seeks to talk with you about your problems.
A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.


A simple friend expects you to always be there for them.
A real friend expects to always be there for you!


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Dressing up

I just arrived home after attending a drama performance.

Ok, the climate in Singapore is hot. But it is not an excuse for people to wear shorts when the show is held in the evening and the hall is all air conditioned. I spotted at least 5 persons dragging their legs wearing slippers too. Some people even wore clothes that seemed pull out from the wardrobe without the lights on. They were crinkled, non appropriate and too casual. In that case, they must as well come in their pyjamas. Why bother to change? Where is the basic etiquette and common sense?


Coco Chanel once said: you can be overdressed but never over elegant.


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Absence

I realized that I have not been writing for 2 weeks. There’s nothing to write about. The lady boss still has not contact me for the date of commencement for the new job. I am not in any particular hurry anyway. The only good thing that comes out from this part time job is the opportunity to break the monotonous daily routine and to meet new people. After that, for sure my blog will become more interesting for there will be more things to feature on. So stay on.


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Job interview

I have no idea where the courage came from. I just picked up the phone and asked for an interview. On the other line, came an approachable voice that was encouraging. An hour later, the face of that voice turned out to be as approachable, although minus the smile. She was nice, but she seemed not used to smiling, which was such a pity for she looked so good when she occasionally did.

What began as an interview ended up like a conversation among friends. I got that job, nevertheless without any related experience. It is the first time that they employ a part timer. It is also the first time that a Singaporean of my age and experience would want such a non pleasant job. Perplexity was written all over her face. A small triumph but it is still a triumph.

But everyone of my friends was wondering “why you take thatttttttt job?”

Why not?

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Cooking Therapy

In the field of psychological treatment, there is animal-assisted therapy, laughter therapy etc. How about cooking therapy? If it does not exist, maybe there should.



You may ask “How can getting out pots and pans, cleaning vegetables, adding salt, be considered therapeutic?” Well, let’s put those boring procedures aside.

Fancy how much relief you can get by chopping a chicken into pieces, while imagining that poor bird is your enemy. First off the head, then the legs. If that isn’t torturous enough to solve your problem, then try another receipe. Maybe stuff chicken with mushrooms or chestnut? It means using your hands and …. Hey be careful though. This is suppose to ease you from your anger. If you gradually feel erotic instead, then you better seek another therapy

 
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Perspective of time

Have you ever felt that time passes very quickly? You lament that with a blink of the eye, November is already here. You are disappointed because you have not fulfilled even half of your 2009 new year’s resolution. The pace in life is too fast for stopping or rose smelling. Here comes the street decoration to serve as a reminder for the grand closure of the year. Then nervousness cracks in. You feel that you have done so little or have achieved nothing so far.

Well, don’t be.

It is actually a blessing if you feel that time is passing quickly. It means you are happy. Happy moments are always too short because we are too engrossed in them to notice their pace. Instead, sad times creeps at a torturous speed. The night just won’t go when you are having insomnia. It stops when you are waiting outside the operation room. It even seems to go backwards when you are in pain or heart broken.

So when the next time you complain about how time flies, just tell yourself how lucky you have been all this time. Not only you have grown older and hence become more matured, you have been happy all this while.

C'è posta per te/ You've got mail

I just sent you a postcard.


There is no particular reason for it. It is also not for any special occasion. I just feel like sending it to you. As simple as that.


I hope it brightens up your day, making you a little happier or perhaps put a smile on your face. To heck with all those emails and stuffs. I am an old fashion guy.

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Vampires and such

It’s Halloween.

Although we are not in America, we do like to participate in all unique festivals, especially when there is commercial opportunity to sell a thing or two.

Masquerade parties are abundant. I wonder why are there so many girls dressing up as witches and guys dressing up as prostitutes. Secret inner fantasy of oneself maybe?

After the recent success of the movie “Twilight”, I decided to dress up as a vampire.

They are no longer frightening creatures. Why should they be? At least in Hollywood, they always look so sexy, so gorgeous and extremely romantic. They always wear designers’ clothes and live in castles. All of them have sleek kung fu moves. Vampires don’t age or die from the passing of time. Wanna nibble my sensitive neck area? Big welcome ! Once you are bitten by a vampire, you will become one of them. Then I will live forever.

In the Asian world, vampires are anything but glamorous. They are always ghastly looking and pallid. Their clothes are torn and they dwell in forests. They must be exhausting because they need to hop like a kangaroo all the time. Asian vampires demonstrate no emotions except growling. They are considered parasite-like; surviving on the expense of their host. A monk and some magic words are all that is needed to gain control of them.

So what do you think? Will I be dressing up as a western vampire or an Asian one?

last weekend

All it took was a folia idea and I landed in Kuala Lumpur hours later, without luggage, without toothbrush and without any extra underwear. It was 10 pm on a Saturday night. Within 16 hours, we begged for a hotel room, devoured durians, danced at the club “Le Queen”, were followed by a dangerous looking drunken in the street, ate supper, battled a rain storm, tried out a new face mask, slept for 4 hours, shopped for DVD, ate more noodles and then hopped onto a bus for a 6 hours’ journey directed back to Singapore. No, there was no time to brush teeth nor to take a bath.

As good as it is bad

Even as a non connoisseur, I can tell that this is a lousy wine. Why people want to produce wine of second or third grade? Isn’t it a waste of energy and resources? Imagine all the time and effort taken to grow the vine and to crop the grape. Then the fermentation, the making, the bottling, the marketing, the transporting etc. The time from harvest to drinking may take a few months to a few years. For all the hard work, isn’t it better to ensure the result is a good one?

For the same reason, I cannot understand why some restaurants offer lousy food. It is so easy to get feedback from customers regarding the quality of the food. To improve it is easy too. Delicious food attracts more customers and eventually more business and profits. Such a simple logic. But seems like so many people do not understand.

Again for the same reason, I wonder why people want to be bad person. Don’t they know that they will be cursed behind their backs, have less friends and have bad krama? To be a good person is not a difficult thing to do. It takes as much effort to be good as it is to be bad. Nothing more, nothing less. Well, certainly they know. But why they still do it? Maybe some people are born bastards.

Formula One night race

Finally the dust settled after 3 days of Formula One night race. It has been an intense week for the organizer, the participants, the support group, the concert performers (Beyoncè and Black eye pea were here to perform) and the audience.

Last year, 100,000 tickets were sold. Although the sales figure for this year is still unknown, judging from the sightings, visitors are coming from more varied location : European, Austrialians, Indians, Chinese, Japanese etc.

In the end, most Singaporeans are not really concern who the winner of the race is. Many, including me, cannot see the fun or excitement watching cars go round and round the course. People only wants to know if the event has been successful. The government and the hoteliers want to know if their investments will bring good returns next year. The sponsors are concern if there is sufficient exposure to justify the money they fork out. And I, I only want to know if there will be a traffic congestion if I go to Bugis Junction shopping mall, which is near to the racing venue.

Happy Birthday to me

Today I get myself a birthday present. I cannot even remember when was the last time I received one from someone. 3 or 4 years ago, maybe? Apart from having achieved this double “4” digit year in my life, I think I so deserve it.

I am always the one to celebrate birthdays for others, to seek presents for them. I even organized food and gather friends to give a surprise birthday party to some. But when it comes to mine, nobody knows. “why don’t you remind them?” my friend suggests. But what is the meaning to remind others to wish me a happy birthday? It has to come from them.

Presents aside, this year is different from the past, probably because I am back in my home town. I was awarded with well wishes from a few friends. One even sang me a birthday song in local dialect over the phone (after I told him of my special day). My ex classmates invited me to a delicious Chinese Tim Sum lunch. Tonight, my 3 other friends are bringing me to a lobster steam boat. Oh my god ! Suddenly I wonder if I am being overly pampered.

I am not being materialistic. Neither am I interested in being the focal point of attention. It is just my desire to know how my friends value me. Is it too much to ask for once a year?

Less is more

Call me crazy, but I think the 21st century is all about less. Well, let's see :


Our communication - Wireless
Our dress - Topless
Our telephone - Cordless
Our cooking - Fireless
Our youth - Jobless
Our food - Fatless
Our labor - Effortless
Our conduct - Worthless
Our relation - Loveless
Our attitude - Careless
Our feelings - Heartless
Our politics - Shameless
Our education - Valueless
Our follies - Countless
Our arguments - Baseless
Our Boss - Brainless
Our Job - Thankless
Our Salary - Very less






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Rainy Saturday

There is thunder, there is lightning and there is a storm. I love it. Such a wonderful indulgence to sink oneself in bed, accompanied by the melody of the raindrops. The cool temperature is mesmerizing with a sedative effect. The bed linens becomes silkily soft and started to embrace me. Time has just halted.



I have no dates, no plans, no activity on a Saturday. It can rain as much as it wants, as long as it wants, I don’t care at all. Most people’s weekend plans are ruined due to the bad weather.


It‘s nice to know that there are many people staying at home due to this downfall, so I am not alone.  Call me bad hearted. My karma will come. I don’t care about that too.

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Good intentions gone bad

I end up seeking the companion of my computer. It is one of those nights when all sheep have been counted, twice. A foul stench of misery in the air suggests the excruciating torment’s plan to linger on for a longer while.

The later it grows, the more anguish it becomes. The droopier my eyes are, the clearer I see. Finally I get your point of view. You did not mean to tell me lies on purpose. You made up those stories in order not to hurt me. Well, your good intention backfired. I rather you tell me straight in the face. I will deal with it. Whereas this prolonged silence is eating me bit by bit, hammering a slow death. The sheep are running out. Can’t the dawn arrive sooner?

21ST CENTURY

There was a time not too long distant ago when the sky was blue and the water was green.

Beef can be consumed without fear.

Rats were afraid of cats, mouse were not attached to computers.

Delinquents were fearful of the police and murderers could not get away by clever lawyer.

Marriage was the fruit of love and divorce was not a profit making business.

Beauty of a woman was determined by her elegance and a man by his health.

Your status was acknowledged by your very own status and not the bags you carried.

Hair saloon took care only your hair

Medicine was meant for healing and doctors cured people

Photos were taken with clothes on.

Schools were not profit orientated.

Morons were not allowed to govern the country.

Monks practiced what they preached.

We answer the phone by asking “how are you?” instead of “where are you?”

….. and the list goes on…..

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COMEX'09

I went to the Comex 09. The biggest annual I T exhibition in Singapore. If not for my friend, I will never ever dream of going. You see, I am still living in stone age. Informatics technology ? Huhh? what is that?

Judging from the crowd, there must be 10% of the nation’s population present, mostly youngsters. There were some people of my age, who were there to sign cheque or pay for the items their children bought. In another words, they were the bankers.


Like the mobile phone, I T is part of the 21st century's  human life that one cannot live without. It is essential to update, update and update. Amid 10 years later than everyone else, I am doing some updating too. Because finally, I bought a web cam. Don't you laugh at me. That is a big step for a stone aged guy.

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Nursing her

How many times do I need to bear this before it comes to an end?

How many suffering is required before happiness is accorded?

How many obstacles needed to be hurdled before eternal can be reached?

Eventually all hopes are given up because there is no logic to follow. Not every effort will be rewarded. Like water, the harder you grasp, the less you capture. Try clenching your fingers less tightly, chances are you may get a spoon of water. But if you grab harder, there won’t be even a tiny drop.

Maybe the trick is to cope things day by day. There is so much to learn everyday. Learning not to cry is one of them.

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Volka anyone?

When will I ever learn?



From time-to-time, there comes an impulse make a courageous, irrational attempt to test the limits of my body and it always give unhappy endings. Knowing that I am allergic to almost everything except air and water, why on earth did I touch the glass of Volka for? At that time, it seemed innocuous and that drink even tasted bland. I felt strong. I was among friends.


Merely one hour later, the itch was all over my back. My friends were helping me to scratch, yes, right in the club.


The next day, skin rashes appear all over my back, my legs and hands. Then the pin prick sensation began. Today, the third day, with 3 antihistamine pills inside me, the allergic reaction continues. Yes, I know. There are 5 more days to go before things will be back to normal.

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what's wrong with me?

It isn’t about experience. It isn’t about age.

What matters is the instinct.

All these years, I thought I have been doing a lot to cultivate a perfect relationship. After learning others’ experience, now I shamefully realize what I had been doing was so insufficient. Obviously my best is not good enough. What’s wrong with me?

It is about plunging your whole self into it without calculating the returns.

It is about sharing a life to its fullest as if tomorrow will not come.

It is about giving the better than the best. It is about that person matters more to your own self.

There is no room for parsimony. Obviously I have a deficiency. It is only right that I am the one to be blamed for my misery.

7th month

It is the 7th month in the lunar year. This month is also called ”The Hungry Ghost Festival”, when the gates of hell is opened to allow the souls of the dead to roam the earth. My mother used to warn me not to stay out late at night during this month. Swimming is also a no-no.

Something eerie happened a few nights ago. At about 1 am, I was abruptly awaken by a sharp smash. Jumping out of bed, I dashed to my mother’s bedroom in a spilt second. With the lights switched on, a glass cup was found shattered on the floor. Both mum and Sutiyah were sleeping when the incident happened. There was no earthquake. There was no rats or pets in the house. How did the glass cup got propelled out of the table top?

Next thing.... my bedroom window panel was flipped up but some time later, I found them fully flipped down.  Well that could be the result of a kaypo neighbour......hopefully..

Was it a sign or a warning or a message? Don't think so and I do not want complications. Anyway I was not scared. I have been staying in this apartment for the past 20 years. I am sure we are well protected. We will not be harmed. Probably it was a playful act. By who or what, I do not want to know.

Photogenic

My friend S was admiring his own photos. “I don’t usually look good in photo. This is one of the few photos that I am pleased with how I look. I guess I am not photogenic.” He told me.


“Then you should be happy.” I replied. While non photogenic means you do not look good in photos, it also implies that you are better looking in real person. So next time when someone says you are not photogenic, actually it is a compliment.


Likewise, don’t be so happy when someone tells you that you are photogenic. It means that you look good only in photos. That is not the real you. In actual fact, you are ugly :P

Asshole

Hey folks, due to the delicate nature of the subject,  you don't expect me to put up the exact photo of the title in concern, right?  that would be too gross !








Someone I encountered today reminds me of a mutual friend who put up for 2 weeks in my home years ago. I had just been transferred overseas for work then, surviving on a meager salary. He and I have a lot of differences in terms of point of view, habits and how we spend money. “Why don’t you buy a Prada bag?” he asked.


Dainty as he was, this young man criticized among many things, the quality of toilet paper that I bought. “These are too coarse and hard for my delicate skin.” He said. Whatever the reason, I could not understand his need to bring up that subject to his friends. So later on, among everyone, I was known to have a cheap asshole and he has an expensive asshole. How naïve I was, thinking that toilet papers are toilet papers, assholes are assholes. I was unaware of the classification.


Instead of lamenting, why didn’t he buy a higher quality product for the two weeks’ stay. After all, he slept in my apartment for free. It would be nice for me to try some high quality paper, just self pampering for once.

Now I know why. It was not about he having a delicate asshole. The asshole was he.

Kidnapped

Another horrific crime : California Girl Kidnapped 18 Years Ago Kept as Sex Slave in Couple's backyard.

How could it be humanly possible to do such a thing, to intentionally inflict pain to others, to keep another person in captive like an animal? This brutal act is totally disgusting. As investigation continues, the story gets grimmer. We called ourselves civilized and classified your nations by the degree of development. In reality, many remain as savage as a jungle beast. What has gone wrong in our system? Where do we go from here?

Pop Singer

Finally I bought the musical CD, 10 over years later than everybody. It is sold in a box set of 4 CDs celebrating the early career of the singer. (ok ok, they are on a special offer) Probably I should not have high expectations or any expectations at all. For great expectations comes with great disappointment.

Half of the time, I cannot figure out what she is singing. Instead of delivering the lyrics, she substitute them with strange sounds. To be fair, her vocal range is better than most karaoke patrons (me included) and her talents in yodeling and snorting surpass many other artists. The emotions were mechanical. She does have a distinctive recognizable voice, which is important in the Chinese music industry where everyone sounds the same.

So why she takes the crown for being the most successful POP musical talent Singapore has ever produced? After all, she did sold and will sell millions of albums and concert tickets in the region including China. It is the song writers who saved the day. They wrote material that are contemporary, relevant, catchy and sometimes beautiful. Or maybe the market does not have great expectations and hence have no disappointment.

Miss Universe pageant 2009

Here it comes, as punctual as a Swiss watch, the annual Miss Universe pageant. The existence of people who still believes the possibility of choosing the world’s most beautiful woman in this era puts me in awe. Out of the billions people in the world…. Is it possible? It must be a tall order for the 10 judges…who definitely are not able to represent the public’s opinion. Everyone sees things differently, beauty included.

This spectacle is based on a tired and worn out formula, that repeats year after year. Lame attempts by the organizer trying to argue an important agenda behind this competition (like world peace, HIV awareness etc) are just gimmicks to prolong a commercial show.

The winner this year is Miss Venezuela. It is more a triumph for those working behind/on/with her. Meaning the costume designers, make up artists, hairstylists, pose and catwalk instructors, chaperone, sponsors etc. Next time, how about a beauty pageant featuring girls in au naturale? Girls without fake eye lashes or lip stick, without hairspray and wigs, without glimmering gowns, heels and jewellery. Just a plain white T-shirt and shorts. It will be a little fairer since everyone is competing in a form as how god created them to be. Don’t you think so?

Lazy Sunday

It is raining again, just like yesterday, just like the day before yesterday

Fine. I am glad to stay home since I have so many DVD to watch. Say… about 12 movies!

Watching a movie is easy but writing the review afterwards is time consuming. I do not know why I pick up such a hobby. I am not taking a course in movie making, neither am I involved in the showbiz industry. Nobody reads my review anyway. (www.flixster.com/user/nicli1)

Conclusion : I am just plain stupid.

Are you local?

“Are you local?”
Recently, people pop this question to me more often than my name. My answer is “Yes, I was born and raised here. Both my parents are Chinese. I speak Mandarin and I love Chinese food. And of course, I have the local characteristics to prove it. I am Kiasu all the time. Storming into the crowded mrt trains is my forte. Hey, no taxi driver can short change me, not even for 10 cents. See? I am more local than you are.”

But why this question?
“You do not look like a local. You look like an Indonesian Chinese or a Thai.”

Just to clarify one thing. Such a remark does not displease me at all. A rose by any other name smells as sweet, isn’t it? I could be from India, from Iran, from Iceland but I am still me. Absolutely not a problem and no offense taken. In fact, I am quite pleased for it makes me feel kind of special, standout from everyone else. But I hate to disappoint for I have no unique story to tell.

Maybe I am weird looking. Maybe I speak with a cranky accent. Maybe it is the standard question nowadays. 30% of the population in Singapore is foreigner. Therefore encountering someone non local is the norm of the day. It is natural, it is regular. It is the 21st century.

Toilet Training

To my female friends
What I am about to reveal might completely wipe out your fantasies about your prince charming. Beyond all that good looks, academic achievement, career success, he might still need toilet training.

The male’s anatomy is made in such a way that physical contact is really necessary during urination, well unless he enjoys getting his pants wet. Here’s the revelation: Most guys DO NOT wash their hands afterwards. What is a little bacteria and a little odor in the hands going to bother anyone? Now that you’ve been warned, when you summon a guy to bring you some food, or shake his hand, do ensure that you have a sanitizer readily nearby.

How do I know? Your highness here (that’s me) happens to be a male, and uses the male toilet all the time. Backed by more than 40 years of experience and observation, you can rest assure that my words are absolutely true.

Most guys never lift up the toilet seats when they urinate. That’s okay if everyone is a marksman. Unfortunately men are always over confident. We aim far but always fall short. Don’t expect anyone will clean up the mess they made. Just pity the next guy who needs to use the toilet with the seat down.

Animal instinct prevails too. It is crime against nature for guys to flush the toilet after use. No one does that over his dead body. Have you seen a pig cover his dung? No. They just stand up and go. So beware if you are getting married and sharing the toilet with your husband. Just ensure that toilet training is in your list of Dos and Don’ts. It is logical to assume people behave the same in public toilets as well as in their home toilet. If they don’t, it means two things:

1) they are badly educated, uncultured and uncivilized barbarians.
2) they need their mothers or wives to be present all the time.

Coming face to face

Connecting with people is never easy. It’s a gift, a skill, a knowledge, an art.

Some people likes to talk as well as to listen. Some just listen, only to voice out at the right time. Some never listen at all. Which one is the best? It depends on the content of the conversation as well as to whom one is talking to.

During my stay in Italy, I have the privilege to be invited to numerous family dinners. Greetings are exchanged heartily. The parents interact with their children with ease. The children discuss issues with their parents confidently. Every gathering has been filled with communication.

In contrast, those relatives in Singapore who visit us every year merely sit down on the sofa gazing at the tv. For each question, they deliver a one-word reply mechanically. Nothing more, nothing less. It never even strike their mind to inquire about the elders’ health. So why bother turning up?
Even in a friend’s gathering, some people are withdrawn before their arrival. They are oblivious to the surrounding, engrossing in their own world and checking their mobile phone constantly for SMS. They are not being shy. They just do not have a clue what to say or how to relate to others. And again that question: Why bother turning up?

As a matter of fact, knowing how to communicate with people, what to say or how much to listen, are a part of life. Associating too much with computers tempers one’s interpersonal skills. One becomes more secluded and take less interest in others. As Elton John’s song goes: “It’s sad, so sad, it’s a sad sad situation.” The new generation knows how to deal with a computer but does not know how to connect with one another.

what doctors say

When we visit the doctors, sometimes we do not understand their comments. Below are what they actually mean. :

"Well, what have we here...?"
He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.

"Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?"
I'm stalling for time.

"If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."
I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.

"Let me check your medical history."
I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending anymore time with you.

"Well, now, we have some good news and some bad news."
The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.

"This should be taken care of right away."
I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.

"Let me schedule you for some lab tests."
I have a forty percent interest in the lab.

"Let's see how it develops."
Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that really needs to be cured.

"I'd like to prescribe a new drug."
I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.

"That's quite a nasty looking wound."
I think I'm going to throw up."

"This should fix you up."
The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.Hope it works...

"Everything seems to be normal."
Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all.

"I'd like to run some more tests."
I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.

Have I seen you somewhere?

My face does not launch a thousand ships. Neither do I have the misfortune to be the spokesman for Potex. (a brand for WC) I am just the average guy that easily disappears in a crowd. In fact, so common my look is, that I am often mistaken for someone else.

“You look and behave exactly like the professor in my class. Are you sure you don’t have another twin brother?” I wish I have one, so that I go rob the bank, and he takes the blame for it.

“I saw you last month. You were selling deep fried grasshoppers in southern Thailand, right?” Fortunately at the time, I was in some far away village selling dead rats. Why? You expect a discount from me?

The latest statement came from a nurse in the hospital where my mother was staying.
“you look familiar, I am sure I have seen you somewhere.”
“Ahem,” I replied, “I certainly hope that ‘somewhere’ is not in the morgue!”

The perfect world

Read from somewhere :

Heaven is a place where:
The lovers are Italian
The cooks are French
The mechanics are German
The police are English (!!!)
And it's all run by the Swiss


Hell is a place where:
The lovers are Swiss
The cooks are English
The mechanics are French
The police are German
And it's all run by the Italians

Positive

After a few unpleasant events, something positive arrived.
Recent economic conditions give rise to numerous individuals engaging in the outdoor sales industry. They stand on the streets from morning till night looking for potential clients. Their job is to offer, persuade, tout every passer-by to sign up a membership, apply for a credit card or buy a product.

He approached me with a smile. “good morning sir, I am from HSBC….”
Before he could continue, I cut in “I’m sorry, I am unemployed so I am not eligible for any of your banking services.”
“oh..” he looked disappointed but more apologetic. In a spilt second, he responded “Are you looking for a job? Our company is having a road show next week. If you like to leave me your telephone number, they could contact you.”

It came so unexpectedly, that someone could demonstrate such kindness to a stranger. It is really nice to know that some people do share solidarity with others. I regain my hope. The sky suddenly does not look so grey anymore.

One day in MRT

An old frail man entered the crowded train. Like every other day, every commuter was either staring at the air or was closing their eyes, indulging themselves in their own world. The door shut, the train moved. Yet no one offered him a seat. I approached the lady who was sitting on the priority seat assigned for the disabled and needy.

“Can you give up your seat to the man over there?”. Without a word, she stood up and walked away.
“Uncle, please sit down.” I asked the man.
“No need.” He replied coldly.
“Don’t worry, this seat is offered to you.” I repeated.
“I said NO NEED.” He shouted fiercely.

Immediately I turned the other side, wondering what wrong have I done. By then, everyone in the compartment was staring at me.
One thing came into my mind: “Nicholas, next time, mind your own damn business.”

Tattoo

Tattoo is one of the popular symbolic “must haves” among the youth culture in this decade, alongside with multi ear piercing and hand phones. Apart from my age, which is not very cool to get myself a tattoo, the urge never quite caught on me, even in my younger days.

Ancient tribes put tattoo onto their body to signify the reaching of adulthood. Tattoo made them look ferocious in order to scare off enemies and animals. It distinguishes class and hierarchy among groups or differentiate between each tribes.

Of course, these motives bears little weight today. Modern people tattoo their body because they like the design, desire to be more recognizable and hoping to bring out one’s uniqueness. Or it is simply seems cool to possess one.

I do not need that. There are enough imprint on my body to make me easily recognizable should my mother needs to identify me in the morgue. Not many people have birth mark as big as the world map on their abdomen. (I do!) Stubborn scars from intense pimple squeezing allow me to convey such chill that keeps even the insurance salesmen away.

It is not suitable for my fickle mind too. I grows out novelties easily. Erasing tattoos is not always feasible especially if they are of yellow or green in colour. These colours respond badly to laser treatment. Once I saw an Egypt man with the characters “Allah China” tattooed boldly on his arm. Curiously I asked him about the inspiration of his design.
“I am a Muslim, it’s my god, Allah. I want it in Chinese, It’s special right?” He replied proudly with enthusiasm.
“But what Allah has got to do with China?” I insisted, before my retarded brain eventually saw the light. He actually wanted the word ‘Allah’ translated and written in Chinese, not the word"Allah China". His mouth dropped after being told of the miscommunication between he and his tattoo artist. Looking at his delusion gradually transformed into agitation, I realised that I should have kept my big mouth shut.

One word of advice, never inscribe one’s name on the body. It’s what a prisoner in the Nazi camp got. If one feels proud of his name and wishes other to know it, then wear a name tag everyday. At least you can change its colour whenever you like.

Thank you

I am dying to know why you refused to help me.

Amid two days of conversation and beating around the bushes, you gave no answer. “What have you done for me?” was your reply. In this critical time, you need to weigh the scales before taking any step? I did not ask you for the moon. I merely ask for your physical presence. There is no necessity for any exertion of strength or fatigue on your part. I did not realize until now, that it is such a dread to be by my side.

I see the dynamics now. You need to receive before you give. Very well. So what has Exxx done for you to justify your help? Likewise, Bxxx must have done you a lot of favor since you always ready to lend a hand.

All these are not important now. Thanks to you, I’ve learned an important lesson: One needs to be independent even emotionally because nobody is reliable except oneself. It is good to be broken because next time, the pain will not hurt as much. I’ve crumpled but I will stand up again. I will be a little bit stronger, a little bit tougher and a little bit wiser.

You once asked me why was I so cold and impassive at times. That is because, thanks to people like you, who made me the way I am. So all in all, thank you.